


Castle of glass

by walking_contradiction42



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Fix-It, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I'll say happy ending again cuz i really need this to happen, M/M, Mind Control, Post-Canon, Post-Movie: Pacific Rim: Uprising (2018), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2019-10-24 00:00:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17693687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walking_contradiction42/pseuds/walking_contradiction42
Summary: After almost ending the world Newton is still trapped in his own mind, with no hope to ever break free by himself.  Hermann can’t watch Newton crumble under the control of the precursors, but has to realize that not everyone might be interested in bringing him back as fast as possible. So when the world has to face yet another thread from the Kaijus , Hermann has to convince the PPDC that their only hope lies in the man, they have chosen to abandon. Can Hermann bring Newton back before it is too late?





	1. Get you back

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys so this is the first really long fic I wrote. Normally I don't really show my stuff to other people, but I felt like I really needed to share this with you. Also I know i'm kinda late on the PR hype train, but I recently got reinfected by an edit I saw and I really needed to process all the feels I had.
> 
> So anyway,enjoy!
> 
> Warnings: Uhm none I guess (except relapsing into the Newmann depression. I'm sorry for that btw.)

Hermann is sick of this. He is sick of waiting and he is definitely sick of standing by and doing absolutely nothing. It has been three month since the MegaTokyo events and he hasn’t been allowed to see Newt, or as much as get any information on his current condition. Hermann knows that Newton is locked up somewhere down in the holding cells of the PPDC, most likely slowly crushing under the supremacy of the precursors hivemind. He can’t bare thinking about what the other scientist may be going through, images of his first drift with the Kaiju brain flooding through his mind.

_I’m sorry Hermann, … They’re in my head…_

He can still see the pain and panic in Newt’s eyes and hear the tremble in his voice as he tried to regain control. What must it be like? To be trapped in one’s own mind and body for over ten years? Hermann can’t even begin to imagine. He only knows that Newt is still in there somewhere. And he knows that he must save him, because apparently nobody else seems to care about his fate.

Hermann can’t exactly tell when the idea began to shape in his head: A glimpse of hope in his depressing thoughts. Newton may be trapped in his mind but maybe, just maybe, the other man might be able to break free with a little help. His idea sounds so crazy, even to himself, that Hermann wonders if this just might be the result of sharing a lab with Newton for so many years. Back then he would constantly get annoyed by the music Newton was listing to, or the Kaiju entrails he would throw at Hermann’s side of the room. Now Hermann desperately misses the objections and arguments they shared. It is like a constant in his life was taken from Hermann: A part from him is missing.

It is a dangerous plan, Hermann knows this, but he is very well willing to risk everything, if it is going to get Newt back to him. His idea is as simple as brilliant: If Hermann could initiate a drift with Newton, he might be able to reduce the influence of the precursors and help him regain control over his body. _Share the neural load…_ The problem is: He has to get to Newt first. Ranger Pentecost and Lambert made sure that nobody would even get close to him. Hermann overheard them talking of him as “a source of useful information” one day. He can’t exactly see how Newt should be a source of any kind to them with the precursors still stuck in his head, but even the idea makes him sick. It definitely is time to do something about this. So Hermann starts to plan his mission: He is going to get Newton back.


	2. I'm coming

There are two things that have to be organized before Hermann can go any further with his plan. First he has to get an ID that will allow him access to Newt’s cell. And second he has to get a PONS system so he will be able to drift with Newton properly. Hermann quickly finds a solution to the later. After all the destruction that had been done to the PPDC base in the MegaTokyo events everyone kind of lost track of the scientific equipment. The important projects are still under supervision but after a bit of digging in the old archives Hermann is able to get his hands on _the_ PONS system Newt had once built to drift with the first Kaiju brain. He stows it onto a small cart, gently strapping safety ties around it. It reminds him so much of Newton, of his crazy but at the same time astounding and brilliant ideas. After he brings the cart back to his quarters, slowly, always trying to not catch the attention of any of the guards, he, to his great satisfaction, detects that it is still fully functioning. He adjusts some of the settings and replaces any cables that might have been damaged while relocating the machinery several times.  It feels so good to be finally working on something that might actually be a help to Newton. And while understanding his invention, Hermann feels close to Newt for the first time in years. At sunset he finishes everything that is to be done and so it is then time to move on to the second problem.

“You want me to do _what_ exactly?” Ranger Lambert asks, leaning back in his chair with a slight sigh. “Allow me access to Newton’s cell. “, Hermann says. His throat is dry and he believes the other man must see his sweat dripping down his neck from the other side of the table. “I believe you said it yourself, that his knowledge could be of great use to us in understanding the antiverse and fighting the Kaijus. And, for what I know, I’m by far the best chance of putting him back to his old self that you have. Think about the results we could get from…” “Hold it right there”, Lambert interrupts him. “I see that this might not be the only motivation you have for getting Dr. Geizler back and I fully understand your concern. But you must see this from my perspective and the perspective of the PPDC. Dr. Geizler murdered thousands of civilians and there are many people out there who would very much like to see him dead.  You must understand that your Dr. Geizler really is a valuable source to us but… let me put it like that: I’m afraid there are much more … _efficient_ methods to receive the necessary information at this point.”  Hermann’s back stiffens at the sound of these words. He was expecting the PPDC to not only use traditional methods, but it seems that he underestimated the lack of scruple they could display in the given situation. This means that he has to strike even faster if he wants to save Newton from more suffering. “Look, Dr. Gottlieb, I’m really sorry. I know what Dr. Geizler means to you and I might not be sharing the PPDC’S opinions on how to handle this matter, but you must understand that I have to follow my orders.” Hermann swallows heavily. He had expected nothing other. “It’s not me you have to feel sorry for, Ranger, but Newton.” he says, his voice dead, then carefully grabbing his cane and trying to stand up. His leg has been giving him a harder time the last few weeks. The pain seems to increase with the metal pressure he is experiencing and the number of problems he is facing. “Let me guide you to the door”, Ranger Lambert says, quickly getting over to Hermann’s side. Seemingly caught in his own thoughts Hermann limps around, missing the ledge of the doorway, and stumbles into the Ranger. “Excuse me”, me he mumbles under his breath. While quickly letting go of the Ranger, his hand slips into his pocket unnoticed, getting possession of the ID the other man carries, clipped to the inside, and replacing it with a replica. Trying to look embarrassed he then stutters another excuse and walks off to get away with his new treasure as fast as possible.

Hermann knows that his theft won’t go unnoticed for long. He has given the fake ID he gave to Lambert basic access, so that it would give him at least half a day, if Lambert wasn’t to visit any highly secure facility’s any time soon. He also had postponed his visit at the ranger’s office to the late evening so that it was most likely, that he would directly head to his quarters afterwards. If the PPDC was to find out about his plan, Hermann has no doubt that he would never see Newt again, not talking about the consequences he would most likely have to face. So Hermann has to be really careful. He sets his little trip to around 3am, making sure that no other person, except maybe some guards will be awake. Then he takes the cart with the PONS and makes his way down to the cells. On the whole way his cane gives a steady, pounding sound echoing through the empty corridors and Hermann is afraid that someone might notice him, but nobody shows. As he reaches the security door he takes out the ID, his hands shaking terribly, and holds it in front of the sensor. First there is silence, that seems to last forever, and then, finally, the scanner makes a mechanic beep and the door opens with a shush. Hermann is now facing a corridor with doors to each side. The light is dim and there is nothing to be heard. He slowly paces along the doors, casting a glance in each of them. Most of the cells seem to be empty. Only one in the back is closed, the window, embedded in the door, shut. Hermann can feel his breathing increasing and his heart pounding against his ribs. He slowly stretches one arm, his palm sweating, to open the shutter. There is a metallic clang, that sounds terribly loud to him, and then he can see the inside of the cell. Newton is sitting there on a stool, his small figure restrained by metallic bars along his head, arms and legs. His eyes are closed but constantly rotating behind his lids. It seems that he hasn’t noticed Hermann yet. Hermann’s chest tenses. Seeing Newton like this makes him want to just hold him until he feels better.

When Hermann finally gets the courage to open the door and walk in, Newton’s eyes immediately fly open. He just stares at Hermann for a while, then his lips widen into a smile: “Hermann. What are you doing here?” he asks, sounding so much like Newton Hermann has to remind himself that this is not really the man talking to him.  “Hello Newton.”  His voice breaks. Now with the light shining into the cell he can see the full damage done to Newton’s body. He still wears the same suit Hermann had seen him wearing in the Shao office, but it is ripped now and soaked with his blood. His face is still covered with dry blood as well and seems swollen. He is much thinner than Hermann remembers, maybe a result from the long time he spent down here.  “You know, I was not really expecting you here. Didn’t they like forbid you to see me and stuff?” Newt chuckles. “You of all people must know, that there are often different approaches to reach your goals, than you’d expect.” Hermann answers, while slowly coming closer to the chair. Newton laughs, tilting his head to the celling. He seems so casual, as if the two of them were just having a conversation over tea.  “Oh Herms, you always were my favourite.” He still gives Hermann a wide, genuine smile, but the happiness doesn’t quite seem to reach his eyes. They are filled with terror and pain and Hermann imagines Newton screaming behind them, telling him to run away from here as fast as possible. "Souu, what exactly are you planning to do then?” Newton continues their conversation.  “I believe you know that”, Hermann says, pulling the cart with the PONS system into the small room. Suddenly the smile on Newton’s face is washed away and replaced by pure hatred and fury. His voice sounds dead and any ordinariness the conversation had a few seconds ago is gone: “You can’t save him, you can’t get him back. He is ours. He belongs to us. Forever” Hermann sighs. “I think you, trying to stop me, is the best evidence I can get for it being very well possible. “ He picks up the electrode-cap and walks over to strap it around Newton’s head. Newton’s body starts to twitch, trying to duck away from the sensors. He starts to scream, his voice echoing from the empty walls and roaring in Hermann’s mind: “YOU CAN NOT TAKE HIM. YOU ARE NOT STRONG ENOUGH. YOU ARE NOTHING MORE THAN INSIGNIFICANT VERMIN TO US. WE WILL CRUSH YOU AND YOUR PETTY PLANET” Hermann tries to detain him, but although he seems so exhausted Newton still fights with the strength of a warrior. After a lot of struggling and swearing he finally manages to pull the cap around Newton’s head and lace it, so that it won’t move if he tries to get rid of it while drifting. Newton is still screaming, his voice turning hoarse and mixing with sobbing. “YOU WILL NEVER GET HIM BACK! NEVER! WE WILL MAKE SURE OF THAT!” he spits at Hermann. “Oh yeah? Won’t I?” Hermann asks, moving dangerously close to Newton and trying to intimidate the other by planting himself over him.  “I am willing to approve that you might get access to both our minds or that I could very well be never returning from this drift, but you know what? I will do it anyway, because there once was a man, who did the same and was willing to give his life for the sake of the world and I just can’t watch you doing this to him any longer. I _will_ get Newton back!” He was now screaming, tears watering his eyes. God, he was so sick of this. Newton’s expression changes from fury to a mixture of confusion and disbelieve. Then his traits soften and he is looking at Hermann with pure despair. A weak smile flickers across his face, obviously costing all his strength. “Fortune favours the brave, dude.” he says, his voice merely a whisper and shaking severe. For the first time in days Hermann can truly smile again. “Yes, I believe it does” Then after a few seconds Newton seizes and moans in pain. The real Newton is gone again and Hermann is left alone with the screaming and raging precursors. He sighs and takes a long and careful look at the settings of the PONS. He isn’t sure what he is going to face in the drift and he doesn’t know whether he will make it out alive, but he doesn’t care. He picks up the control unit with the button Newton pressed so many years ago. The button, that brought him into this desperate situation. He takes another deep breath, and then he immerses into the drift. _Newton I’m coming._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo we finally meet Newt (or not really him but u know what I mean). Feel free to tell me what you think. Any criticism is appreciated. Stay tuned for some Newt/Hermann drift scenes next time.


	3. Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: psychic torture, depression and anxiety
> 
> (So pretty normal for a PR fic, I guess ^^)

Hermann is surrounded by blue. Pulsing, whirling and screaming blue. Everything looks blurred and is covered by various layers of blue-ish mist. It seems to tear at his clothes and his mind, pulling his thoughts in every possible direction and making it impossible to think straight. Everything around him is screaming at him, telling him to finally let go of himself. He is so small, so insignificant compared to the wide infinite blue, he fears to be crushed under the pure supremacy.

_Yes let go, we will be one and one_ _forever_

Thoughts, that are not his own, pressing against his barricades, storming against them, ready to burn them down.

_So small. No power._

Hermann can feel that his protection won’t last any longer. He can’t compare to the other mind that wants to infiltrate him and he is not sure whether he really wants to fight against it. They lure him. They have so much knowledge, so much power, so much wisdom. Is his silly stupid little life really worth it? Why won’t he just let go. Uniting with the endless, wide blue, so energetic and mighty. And it’s power: So beautiful, such a rush.

_But it was a hell of a rush, wasn’t it?_

**Stop no don’t think about it.**

Suddenly there is another consciousness pressing against his. It’s much smaller and seems so weak, his branches barely holding together, but it comforts Hermann in a way he can’t understand. The blue is still raging around them but somehow everything seems to fade into the background, into a steady pounding in the corners of his mind.

_The rush, the pulse in his veins. Infinite power._

The voices, trying to retrieve his attention, screaming louder again… So tempting to just fully surrender.

**Don’t listen to them. Please I can’t lose you, Herms. Stop this.**

Hermann relaxes. The screaming becomes even more distant. The sharp blue fades into a pasty grey and finally everything becomes dark and fully black. There is silence. Only in the far distance Hermann can hear the screams of the hivemind, telling him furiously to come back. But he won’t. Because a few feet away, curled up in a ball, is a small figure, Hermann instantly recognises as Newton. He seems to be shaking uncontrollably and sobbing, his sniffs fading away in the darkness. Hermann takes a few steps in his direction. The light is dim and he can’t see any source of light. On the ground there is a small film of water and Hermann’s steps leave a constant dripping in the smooth surface.

“Newton?” he whispers, taking another step in his direction. “Newton it’s me.”

“No please, why can’t you just leave me alone?” Newton sobs. He is still curled up, his arms wrapped around his own body and bobbing back and forth. He gives Hermann the impression of a cornered animal, backing up and letting nobody in. Hermann kneels down in a safe distance, so Newton won’t feel threatened and softens his voice: “Newton, please you have to listen to me. We got to get out of here.” “Why do you do this to me? Haven’t you tortured me enough?! Just, please, leave me to die. I don’t want to play any of your sick games and I won’t fall for this trap either so just leave okay? Leave me the fuck alone!” he screams, abruptly turning to Hermann. His eyes are bloodshot and tears are rushing down his face.  He gives Hermann a frenetic look and then goes back to hiding in a ball again. His sobbing sends shivers down Hermann’s spine. What must have happened to him? He is nothing like the man Hermann remembered, all energetic and silly. All his sharpness is gone and left is a crumbling person, that is not willing to fight for himself any longer. He had given up.  

Hermann exhales and then leaves behind all his caution and moves closer to Newt, drawing him into a tight hug. “Shhh it’s okay. It’s not a trick. I am here.  It is really me, Newton.” he says, while patting his back reassuringly. He can feel Newt relaxing a bit, but he is still sobbing and every part of his body is trembling. Then after a while Newt finally turns his head towards Hermann. His eyes are wide and his hair sticks around his head in all possible directions. A single tear drops from his chin. “Is it really you? It feels so real. Jeez, I can’t tell how much I just need this to be real right now. Am I making any sense?” Hermann chuckles: “Yes it really is me. Did you seriously think I would just leave you here?” “Fuck, Herms I can’t tell you how happy I am right now”, he whispers, still crying but the corners of his mouth flitting into a small smile. Hermann’s hearts skips a beat. He would do anything to keep that smile on Newton’s face. In the back the precursors are still screaming and the noises are getting louder with every second. They have to get out of here. Very quickly. “Newton, I know that this might be difficult for you now” he says “but  I think we’ll have to get out of here first.” This instantly makes Newt’s smile collapse, despair creeping back to his look. “Hermann, I can’t… I’m sorry but I really can’t. I’m not strong enough.  You know, I tried, I really did, but they are just so much stronger than me. Compared to them I am… nothing. I’m sorry but there is no way you can beat them. ” He starts to sob again, leaving traces all over Hermann’s shirt, but Hermann doesn’t care. “Newton, Newton look at me”, he says, placing Newton’s head between his hands and facing him directly. “You are the most astounding man, I had the pleasure to meet in my whole life: Newton, you are strong enough. You are stronger than you can ever imagine. And I know you will win, because you are Newton Geizler. You are a hero. ” Newton looks at him in amazement. His tears have finally stopped running and his eyes are focused and no longer clouded. “Hermann, …”, ha starts, his voice hoarse, but then he turns around in panic.

“They know you are here! Fuck, you have to leave!” He jumps to his feet. “I won’t leave without you!” Hermann says, getting to his feet as well. Newton begins to shake again, whining: “Please Hermann. It is too late to save me, but you: They can’t get you. You have to get out of here.”  He grabs Hermann’s shoulders. “Please, there is something I have to tell you. It’s… “ His voice turns into an odd rustle.

Then the world around them explodes into screeching and yelling.

_Not worth it…not strong enough… you will DIE…WE WILL CRUSH YOU_

Everything is suddenly lost in the pure chaos and rage of the voices. They try to crawl into Hermann’s head. He can feel them pushing and punching and nothing is there to stop them. How could he be so foolish to think, that he could beat them?

_Foolish… worthless… weak… die_

Suddenly someone is standing next to him. Hermann can feel the warmth of the other body, although he can see nothing through the storm of whipping thoughts. Then someone grabs his hand and he can see Newton standing in front of him. His eyes are filled with tears but he looks determined and part of his old strength seems to have returned. Hermann is paralysed. With the clouds still spinning around them and the hatred of the hivemind raining down on them, he has to concentrate to keep his thoughts together. To drown the screaming of the precursors Newton moves close to Hermann’s ear and whispers: “Get out of here. I will hold them back.” Hermann wants to say something. That he won’t leave Newt here, that they will fight the precursors together and that everything will be fine, but he still can’t move a finger. Mentally he is screaming a Newton to make him stay, but not a single word is leaving his lips. Newt gives him one last, weak smile, then he turns around and walks directly to the centre of the whirling mass. The mist closes around him and Hermann is instantly released from his bindings. He coughs, struggling to breathe as the pressure around him ceases. 

**Get out of here. Save yourself. For me. Please.**

He tries to run after Newton, his hands cutting through the mist. Voices are echoing around him. He hears Newton’s laugh somewhere distant and tries to run in his direction. But the clouds are slowly dissolving into nothingness. He can get a small glimpse at a figure standing in the distance, shielding himself with his bare hands, but as soon as he gets there, the fog around him disappears and he is left alone again. His steps quicken, he gets more desperate with every second. He screams Newton’s name, over and over again, but there is no response.

 He begins to fall. First slowly, then faster. An invisible power is sucking him away from the darkness, carrying him to a surface, he didn’t know, existed. He can hear a faint sobbing. _Newton_ , he thinks, but then he realises it’s his own sobbing, lying on the cold ground of the cell next to the stool. He stays there, crying, cursing himself for being so absolutely useless.  Next to him Newton’s body is twitching. He is unconscious and his eyes are closed, but pinched in pain. Fresh blood is running from his nose. Hermann fondly places his hand on Newton’s cheek. His tears are dripping down on the others face. “I’m so sorry”, he whispers. He presses his forehead against Newton’s and closes his eyes. “I _will_ save you. I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry guys. I love Newt too, so it really hurts to write this. It will get better soon.   
> The next chapters are already planed so hopefully you'll see some new stuff soon.   
> Leave kudos and comments, if you like.


	4. Only a crack

Of course Hermann’s actions don’t go unnoticed. Although he tries to cover his tracks down in the cell and puts the PONS system back to the archives, Ranger Lambert naturally concludes, that it was him, who replaced his ID. So Hermann has to submit to at least one hour screaming and raging of the Ranger, who is rather furious about Hermann ignoring all possible consequences of his behaviour. Hermann just sits there and endures the sermon: Everything feels dull and numb. What does it even matter, if he is never to get Newton back? It is for sure, that he won’t get the opportunity to sneak off to his cell any time soon again. The PPDC will surly increase security arrangements as well. So it would be impossible anyway.

He survives the day with a reprimand: After all the PPDC can’t afford to lose their head of research. Hermann limps back to his quarters. In his mind he is still caught up in the rage of the hive mind, Newton by his side, rescuing him from his defeat. He gets so carried away, that he barely notices, where his feet are taking him. Soon he is standing in front of another storage unit: The one that keeps all the personal stuff, nobody ever claimed.  Hermann knows that somewhere in here, there must be the box with Newton’s belongings.  First he hesitates, but then he places his ID in front of the sensor and enters. It doesn’t take long to find the box with Newton’s stuff. It’s only a few things left over from the old lab they shared: An old t-shirt, some doodles and graphics for inventions and some of his old records. Hermann’s chest tightens a he looks down on what is left of his former partner. It feels like Newton is reduced to the few things he now holds in his hand.

He always asked himself, why Newton had left in the first place. After the first Kaiju war they fell into a gap of avolition. The world was safe and as there wasn’t any real pressure anymore, the two of them were thinking about moving to another research facility together. After all they had always worked together quite well, pushing each other to the limit. Everything seemed fine and Hermann finally thought about allowing other things into his life besides his work and research. He never quite admitted it, but he had grown rather fond of Newton and his constant presence and was rather relieved when Newton told him about planning to join him on his resettlement. But then everything chanced: Newton became more distant every day, rarely talking to Hermann after a couple of weeks. Hermann blamed himself for being the cause of this sudden dislike, but always wondering what he had done to upset the other. If he had only seen what was going on with Newton. Hermann was sure, that it hadn’t really been Newton himself, but rather the precursors that induced their parting. He could have talked to him, could have stopped this before it was too late. But he hadn’t. He just went on with his life, mentally suffering from insecurity and loss. He was too cowardly to say anything and this had been the final stroke for Newton to leave. He didn’t even say goodbye to Hermann. One day his side of the lab was just cleaned out and Newton was gone. Later on Hermann obtained news that he was now working for Shao industries, but he never tried to contact him. He just withdrew into his self-pity. He was such a fool.

As they had met before the MegaTokyo events for the first time in years, Hermann was so excited to finally meet Newton again. He had hoped that maybe his attitude had changed or he had simply overcome his problems. But instead he had to realize that Newton had changed completely: Not only had his dress sense, but also his personality developed into an exaggeration of his former self. Hermann was shocked when he turned down his ideas about the transportation of the Jaegers as well: The real Newton wouldn’t miss a single opportunity to prove Hermann wrong and show of his superior skills. Hermann now knows, of course, that this must have been the precursors doing. They lodged themselves into Newton’s life, slowly withdrawing him from the people that meant the most to him to have easy prey infecting him. If Hermann had only looked closer, hadn’t been so egocentric, maybe he would have noticed the panic in Newton’s eyes and his desperate calls for help.

Later he sits on the floor of his room, Newton’s things scattered around him. One of Newton’s old records is playing. It’s a sad song Newt always used to sing along to, driving Hermann crazy. Now Hermann desperately wishes for him to just pop his head around the corner and join in.

_‘Cause I'm only a crack in this castle of glass_   
_Hardly anything there for you to see_   
_For you to see_

The tears start to fall down from Hermann’s cheeks. He won’t hold them back and he really can’t either. All the anxiety from the last weeks seems to just drop on him now and drown him in depressing thoughts and memories. In front of his inner eye Newton smiles at him again, his brow wrinkled about something Hermann has said.

_Bring me home in a blinding dream_   
_Through the secrets that I have seen_   
_Wash the sorrow from off my skin_   
_And show me how to be whole again_

The song gains more power, heavy guitars strumming along and Hermann imagines Newton just standing there and playing his air guitar. God, he really can’t take this anymore. He just wants it to be all over. He can’t brace himself, can’t stand up, so he spends half of the night on the ground, crying and not yet able to fall asleep.

Finally he pulls himself together and takes a look at the graphics Newton has drawn. If he is to spend the night awake, he can at least devote himself to a productive activity. Most of it is just trash or old projects that were never concluded, after the first war ended so abruptly, but there are also a few new ideas Hermann has never seen before.  He is amazed by the creativity of Newton’s inventions and the granularity of the figures, when he suddenly stumbles across an especially messy scribble.  It shows, what seems to be an armature for a drift between two pilots, except that there is no second pilot in the schematic. Instead Newton has scratched the word “hivemind” and circled it several times.  It takes a while before Hermann fully understands the impact of the unremarkable piece of paper he is holding in his hands. But then he gasps: “Oh, you clever bastard.” It seems that Newton has found a way to protect the pilot from the leverage of the hivemind, while drifting with it. Hermann doesn’t know if this had been his idea all along, or if it had been another cry for help, he had missed to understand, but he is certain of one thing: This may very well be the key to getting Newton back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeey so it's depression time again. Also we finally see why I named the fic this way. Lyrics of course belong to "castle of glass" by Linkin Park. I just think it's a beautiful song and when I listened to it while writing I instantly thought it captures Newt's whole situation perfectly.  
> Anyway, hope you like it. See u next chapter.


	5. Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys uhm so I'm sorry this took so long. I completly forgot about it and then my sister had to kick my ass (thx sis) to upload the chapters still rotting on my computer. So anyway thanks s´to my one subscriber wuhu and idk enjoy i guess.

Newton is lost. Lost in the dark, lost in the stream of so many voices talking to him, shouting at him. Whether he is still there, he can’t really tell. Sometimes he feels like his parts are piecing back together, like he is coming back to being himself, but then there is another gust and he is drifting apart again. Sometimes he can see images: Memories or short scenes, people talking to him, people his doesn’t know, people he has never seen in his life. Then again he is lost in the dark with the hivemind alone screaming at him. He knows that it would be easy to just give in and let them take control, but he can’t. They already have control and he can’t allow them to have more, because he knows, that without this, he would never return. So he just clings to this last saving threat and hopes for it not to be cut. He is crying and he is so very alone. With no sense of time he loses track, just a numb existence and nothing more. Will there ever be someone to care about him? How can he even believe for a second, that someone would care about him? _Hermann cares._ Yes, Hermann does care. He said this multiple times. He was here trying to save Newton, caring about him. But was he really? Or was it all just an illusion, his mind playing tricks with him? _Not his mind. Their mind._ It’s hard to keep track with everything. He can’t separate his thoughts. Was it something he had said, or thought, or was it their idea, planted in his brain? He can’t tell.

That was the first thing he realised: Thoughts that weren’t his own popping up in his head. Things he didn’t really wanna do, but seemed just _right._ He didn’t put any thought in it at this time. His mind still was a mess from the two drifts he had done and he was struggling to hold it together emotionally anyway. A few strange thoughts really weren’t something to worry about, right? After that he started losing control. He would just wake up in the morning in his bed and couldn’t remember how he got there. He seemed to just lose half of his time every day and he could do nothing about it. He tried to talk to someone, to anyone, or at least Hermann, but the words would simply not leave his mouth. Then the intervals in which he wasn’t in control would get longer. Sometimes he would miss out days or weeks, later it were months, until finally he could just watch his body moving, without him doing anything, in despair. He left behind clues. Little symbols for someone to notice, that something wasn’t right. But it just got harder and harder to regain control. Sometimes he could hear the precursors talking; he would listen to their plans. Then he would scream at the outer world to notice him, to recognise the threat he was to them, but nobody listened. The evening before they made him leave the PPDC, made him leave Hermann, he won. He didn’t want to leave Hermann, his last hope in this disaster. He would notice, he would listen, or at least he thought he would. That night he could hear the precursors screaming in the back of his head, his thoughts barley holding together. He just took a piece of paper and drew like a maniac. He drew the schematic he had worked on before he had drifted with the first Kaiju brain, knowing fairly well that this could be the solution to his salvation, or the key to destruction of the human race. He just scribbled everything down and placed it on Hermann’s desk, hoping, that he would notice. Then the hivemind rushed over his mind again and he was left in the darkness. Waiting. And he is still waiting. Waiting for somebody to find his plans, tucked away in a box, nobody will ever recognise or open again. He is lost and lost forever.

But this day is different. Newton can feel it. The hivemind buzzes in excitement, something he has never felt before. They are waiting for something to happening. Newton doesn’t like this feeling at all. If the hivemind is excited this can only mean that something really bad is about to happen. What it is, he can’t tell. They are blocking this information from him. He can only hear the whispers they are exchanging.

_The pressing blue, the whispers. So alone._

The buzzing increases. All the voices screaming even louder, flustered and upset. It is happening ,he can feel it. They can feel it. Something is coming and it is really, really big. This won’t be the last the human race has seen of the precursors.  Did they really believe that this was everything they’ve got? They’ve opened the breach once. They nearly did it a second time. They can do it again.

_Oh no…_

Suddenly Newt can feel something cracking. Energy is rustling all around him, turning his surrounding into a static pulse. Everything seems to intensify. The blue and black around him get sharper, stabbing into Newt’s eyes. The screaming gets even louder and his skull wants to burst under the pure pressure and noise. He tries to cover his ears, but he can’t move. Somewhere deep in his chest a pain starts to stab into his guts. It tears him apart. Flustered and intense, he seems to be torn apart, cut into pieces. He can’t bear it, it’s too much. He is going to die, after all this time.

Then everything is gone as sudden as it began. The screaming turns to the normal volume again and he can only hear singly whispers. He knows one thing for sure: This attack wasn’t meant for him. This was something far more important. It means that the breach is open again.


	6. You can't change the past, even if you want to

Hermann is standing in an empty corridor. In the distance here can hear the rhythmic pounding of music. People are laughing and talking, but he doesn’t feel like joining them, there is too much to think about. His feet are taking him to their lab. His mind is mixed up and flashes are floating back and forth. He is not sure, whether it all of it are his own. Memories of getting a tattoo done, burning ink under his skin. Then the image blurs and is gone as fast as it had come. He expects the lab to be empty. Instead he finds Newton sitting on a revolving chair, his headphones on and his gaze glued to the chalkboard. He doesn’t notice Hermann as he walks up to him. _A race on office chairs, a corridor of cheering people, all encouraging him, all clapping and laughing._ “Why aren’t you partying with the others?”, Hermann can hears himself asking. Newt jerks around. “Jeez, Herms, you scared the shit out of me.” “I’m sorry, but I wasn’t expecting to see you here” “I just wasn’t in the mood for partying, I guess. So, y’know, I came here instead.” Newton doesn’t need to say anything else. He knows that Hermann understands. So they just stand there in complete silence, watching the empty chalkboard and listening to the other people’s exuberance. Hermann can feel the air pulsing between them. There is a slight static crackling that hasn’t been there before. He turns to look at Newton and recognises that he must feel the same. “In the drift…”, he begins, struggling to find the right words. “I- I just can’t really tell which things you might have seen, and- and there might be some things you want to talk about…” Newt just looks at him in bewilderment. “I’m sorry, Hermann, but I think I have to get my head straight first. You know, I can’t really deal with another flush of emotions for today. Fuck, it was all just too much to handle.” Hermann simply nods. “Okay let me know, when you are ready to talk. I will be waiting.” He smiles and Newton gives a small smile back at him. But his look is haunted and sort of puzzled. Hermann blames the two drifts he has survived in a matter of days. “We should get you to sickbay”, he says. “The neural load could have been enough to knock two grown man to the ground, not talking about a dwarf like you” This makes Newt’s smile grow wider. “I guess so.”, he chuckles. “But you know, I think I just need some time on my own. I feel fine. It just was a hell of a rush.” He turns around and walks towards the door, turning back to Hermann before leaving the lab: “See you in the morning, Herms” And with that Hermann is left alone with his thoughts and the disappearing presence, Newton has left in the room. He wishes he could have talked to him for a while longer. It feels like this will be the last chance in a very long time.

**Hermann, wake up!**

Hermann wakes up on the floor. His muscles are aching, especially his leg. Apparently he has spent the rest of the night on the floor. Newton’s things are still lying around him, the schematic for the drift gadgetry right in front of him. He can’t quite tell what has woken him up, but there is a tension so strong he can almost catch it with bare hands.

**Hermann, they are coming. Please, you have to warn them. They are coming.**

He jerks. He can clearly hear the voice, but there is nobody else in the room with him. And who exactly is coming?

**Them**

Now Hermann knows for sure. The voice is in his head. It sounds muffled, like somebody had tried vainly to tune to the right frequency. Also he can’t really hear it, but rather _feels_ it. His mind is somehow responding to the weird signal, making it pop up in his head.  He tries to block the signal from getting into his head, casting it off like a annoying insect. Then it hits him. He knows who is attempting to contact him so desperately.

_Newton?,_ he asks into the silence of his mind.

**They are coming.**

He can feel him. He knows the patterns of Newton’s thoughts. He recognises them from the drift, from both drifts. And he can sense the panic in his mind. His presence is buzzing with fear and he repeats the same phrase over and over again, like a mantra. _They are coming…. They are coming…_ Hermann tries to comfort him, tries to get through to keep the link stable, but he can feel Newton fading away, slipping through his hands as he tries to grab him. _They are coming… They are coming…_ Then there is nothing left. No pulsing energy, no Newton. There are so many things going through Hermann’s head: How was Newton able to contact him? Was it an after effect of their drift? After the first one Hermann definitely felt linked to Newton, their memories and thought mixing up for weeks and he often heard the pilots talk about the same phenomenon. The drift connects in any way possible. But Hermann and Newt had only been drifting twice and in his experience it takes much longer to establish such a bond. Maybe it is the hivemind, that is reinforcing the effects, or-

Newton’s warning comes back to his mind. What did he mean? They are coming. Who exactly is _they_ supposed to be? There is only one obvious solution. Hermann could slap himself for being so stupid and slow.  If Newton was still here, he would laugh about his blackout. He had been in pure panic and risked everything to get this news to Hermann. So there is only one option, who _they_ could be: It’s the precursors. They are back. He leaps to his feet as fast as possible. He has to warn them, before it is too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk why, but I really like this chapter. It's weird to read your own stuff after such a long time. Next chapter: Get ready for the real action!


	7. The attack

“And you are sure, that they have opened the breach again?” Jake Pentecost asks him. “Absolutely certain. I have run some test on the energy signatures in the region and it shows the same composition like it had, when the breach was open the first time. Here take a look…” Hermann says, pulling up some figures on the screen. “Shit. I guess it is official than”, Jake says, while distractively rubbing the back of his head. “I’m afraid so”, Hermann sighs. “And how exactly, did you say, you got aware of this?”, Ranger Lambert tunes in. Hermann hesitates, then he exhales. “Newton told me”, he says. “ _Newton_ told you?”, Pentecost asks in disbelieve. “Yes, he contacted me through a neural link, we seem to have established. And- I- It’s complicated…” he stammers. “A neural link? Why didn’t you inform me about this? I think this could have been of great interest to us, Dr Gottlieb. I-“ , the Ranger begins, but Jake interrupts him: “Hey, Nate, chill okay? I think we’ll have plenty of time to discuss this later, but right now we should focus on other problems, don’t you think?” Lamberts sigh, but ceases from going on about Hermann’s flaws.  “Okay, so what is our current situation?”, he asks. “There has been no sighting of a kaiju so far”, Hermann explains. “But there have been some developments.” He puts the video footage of area around the breach onto the big screen on the side of the room. The two rangers step closer to get a better look at the immense rift that gapes on the surface of the water. “It looks different from the first one”, Jake notes. “Yes it does.”, Hermann says. “That is because the structure this time isn’t just energetic, but also physical. This breach literally exists. It is stable. “ “What does that mean?”, Lambert asks, frowning in disbelieve. “It means that they have learned. We won’t be able to close the breach like we did the last time.”, Hermanndefines. Jake turns to him: “But there must be a way to close that thing, right?” Hermann shakes his head. “I cannot tell at the moment. There are far more examinations necessary to get any usefull information. “ “Do that.”, Lambert orders. “In the meantime we better send some Jaegers down there. They won’t catch us unaware this time. There can’t be any more casualties.” And Hermann feels like this is also addressed to him. Or maybe rather to Newton...

Hermann has spent the entire day running tests and checking on the situation at the breach. Now he has to report to Ranger Lambert. He hesitates before knocking on his door. “Come in”, the Ranger shouts from inside. Hermann opens the door and gets in. The Ranger is sitting behind his desk, bent over a map of the breach. “Ah Dr. Gottlieb”, he notes. Hermann hawks: “These are the results of the tests I have run.”, he says. “I’m afraid I seen no chance to destruct it at the moment. My readings are way off charts. It seems that the structure of the throat is part matter, part neural construct. It is somehow connected to the hivemind, I fear. But I will have to review this, for being absolutely sure.” “So what is your opinion on this matter then?”, Lambert asks, giving Hermann a rather unreadable look. “Well,”, Hermann begins “I am no expert on this territory, but I’d say that the precursors have planned this for a while now. They will attack soon enough.” The Ranger simply nods and turns back to his work. Hermann starts to move towards the door, but halfway gone he turns back. “You know, I’m really no expert in this matter, but I do know one.”, he says, his voice challenging. Lamberts sighs and looks up to him. His eyes are tired. “I fear, this expert might just not be available at this point.” Hermann presses his teeth together. His jaw is tense and he has to control himself to not break up and let his rage flush over the other man. “If it wasn’t for Newton me maybe wouldn’t even know that the breach was open again. Maybe we would have been crushed to death by another Kaiju. We owe him. And he knows the precursors. He is our best chance to fight them back.”, he spits. “May I remind you that he also killed several people? How do you even know that it was Newton who contacted you? Maybe it was another trick of the precursors to lure us to our death. We can’t trust him and I won’t waste any precious time to a lost cause.”, the Ranger screams back at him. “I _know_ Newton. He would never do such thing!” “But he isn’t Newton! Don’t you get that? Jesus, Gottlieb, you are so lost in you complexes you can’t even think straight.” Lambert is now yelling. Hermann can feel the tears rushing to his eyes. “At least I am not blind”, he screams. “Newton still is there and he is trying to help us. And we abandon our greatest chance in winning this war, we abandon him, after all that he has done for us. If you think like this you are not better than they are!” Hermann knows that he has gone too far, but he doesn’t care. He just knows that he can’t stand the Ranger’s ignorance any longer and the fact, that he is not able to help Newton. He can see the fury raging in the Rangers eyes and is also a bit scared of what is going to happen to him now. Being the lead scientist aside, they can’t have him dancing out of row for a second time. But it doesn’t get to that. Before Lambert can do anything the radio on his desk cracks and Hermann can hear Jake’s voice. “Nate, man, we really have a situation here” Lambert hesitates for a moment and throws a furious glance at Hermann: Then he picks up the radio and answers. “What’s the problem?” “It’s Gipsy Avenger. I sent her out with Aamara as pilot.”, Jake answers. “Yeah I know”, Lambert says. He frowns.  “And what’s the problem with that?” “It’s- oh god- I- I- think the precursors have gained control over her… She is moving in our direction and not answering any calls. Nate, I- I think she will attack us”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is rather short but I had to use this ending, I'm sorry *evil laughter* next chapter some more Newt i promise.


	8. Crazy=genius

The command centre is in turmoil. People are running in every possible direction and instructions are shouted from one side to another. Hermann hobbles behind Ranger Lambert, following him to the enormous window, facing the ocean. In the far distances he can barely detect the silhouette of Gipsy Avenger moving, moving closer every second. “How long till she gets here?” Lambert asks, as he reaches Jake, who is standing next to the main control unit. “I don’t know.” Jake answers. “Maybe an hour and a half. Maybe less.” He scratches his chin and sighs. “Man, they really can’t leave us alone, right?” “It seems they can’t accept two defeats.” He laughs bittersweet.  Then he turns serious again. “We have to stop her, before she can do any damage to the base or the city. Do we have a plan?” Hermann steps in line with them and coughs slightly to get their attention. “I don’t think there is any possibility without hurting Aamara. The pilot has complete control over the system, so there is no point in shutting it down. She would merely just switch it back on.” “And we can’t attack her, without hurting her.” Jake finishes his sentence. “Great” he sighs again. “There must be a way to shut the program down. Something like an- an emergency backdoor… What if the pilot uses control?” Hermann’s chest tightens. Last time somebody talked to him about a backdoor, that someone was trying to end the world. He swallows heavily before answering. “It’s a really complicated matter, I’m afraid. The pilot is engaged in the subroutine so it’s highly adventurous to just terminate the program.” First Ranger Lambert only kneads his temples, then he answers “If we can’t stop her from here we’ll have to send a Jeager to hold her back. But I would rather not talk about the consequences. Another rouge Jaeger, in this short period...” “Man, that’s all you can think about right know?” Nate interrupts him. Hermann can tell he is quite upset. “Think about Amanda. Or the people in the city. What about them?  Huh?” There is silence for a second, then Lambert turns to Hermann again: “You really think there is no way to stop Gipsy from here?” he asks. Hermann opens his mouth to deny, but then suddenly he is struck by an idea. His mouth twitches into a smile.  “After all we might just be able to stop her” he replies, limping over to the screen, showing Gipsy Avengers readings. The neural indicators are way too high and in the corner a warning sign is gleaming. “So what’s your idea then” Jake asks. “We may not be able to shut down the proramm completely, but I think we might be able to cut the connection between the processor and the machinery. This will put the Jeager in a kind of stasis… I hope.” Hermann answers, while frenziedly typing into the keyboard. Numbers and code are flying over the display, until finally the programming is defeated. Hermann takes a deep breath. It has to work. It just has to. Then he pushes the last key. There is a mechanic beeping and then the appearance of the readings in front of him changes. Hermann feels great relief, as he recognises that his plan has worked. Below the data about the engine of Gipsy there is a gigantic red sign saying “stopped”. Nate slaps him on the back. “Good job man” he says and smiles. Hermann smiles back. After all the Ranger isn’t quite cruel as he believed him to be. But then Jake, behind him, gasps. He is leaning over the readings, pointing on the energy bar. Hermann instantly understands what is happening. “The energy is building up. If it’s gets to much the stasis will collapse” he says, turning to Ranger Lambert, whose look is distant. “How long have we got?” he asks. Hermann casts a glance on the figures and sighs. “Not more than three hours, I think.”  “Then get the Jaegers ready.” Lambert sounds determined, but his eyes show something different, maybe desperation, Hermann can’t tell. Jake nods and rushes out of the room. “May I remind you, that there is also another option” Hermann asks. It is probably not the right time to toy with the Rangers patience, but people’s lives are at stake and he can’t stand by when there could be another solution. First it seems like the Ranger is going to shout at him, but the he sighs and his body slumps. He turns at Hermann and gives him a very long, considering look: “Do it.”

Hermann’s hands are sweating and shaking in tension, as he pierces together the pieces for Newton’s invention. The schematic is lying next to him on the table, although Hermann can remember every single detail by heart. It’s etched into his mind. He can’t grasp how Newton could invent something this beautiful and genius and not share it with him, or anybody else. _Maybe he wasn’t able to anymore_ , Hermann thinks to himself. This makes his heart ache. How could all of this happen? His body is decoupled from his mind, both racing but doing completely different things. He can only think about Newton, how hopefully they will be together again.

Soon the parts are all fitting together and Hermann adjusts the setting on the PONS to incorporate Newton’s improvements. Then, pleased with himself, he takes a step back to admire his creation. “You ready?” Nate, who was standing behind him the whole time, asks. Hermann turns to him, but simply nods. He is too pumped to say anything. “Then let’s go.”

Hermann follows him to the elevators, the cart with the PONS system behind him again. His grip is tensing around the handle. There is so much that could go wrong. Nobody has even tested the system, so nobody knows if and how it will work. _Newt wouldn’t hesitate_ , Hermann thinks and somehow this gives him strength. This time he will be the Rock star.

The cell is exactly how Hermann has left it the last time. The light is still dim and everything smells musty. Newton is still sitting in the chair, in the exact same position. As the two enter he opens his eyes and smiles at the again. “Oh Hermann you are back?” he says. “Haven’t you got enough? You want another defeat?” He chuckles. When Hermann doesn’t react to his insults, but merely concentrates on his work, he turns to Ranger Lambert. “And you are here too. Finally coming to punch him by yourself then?” he laughs again. Hermann’s head whips around to Nate, who is still standing in the door. “You…” he whispers in disbelieve. Nate sighs. “Look, Gottlieb I’m sorry, but it wasn’t my decision…” Hermann can feel the rage, building up inside him. He is ready to explode. How could they do this to Newton? Beside them Newton is still laughing. “You guys are such a comedic duo” he snorts. Hermann tries to calm down, taking deep breaths. He can deal with this problem later. If he now starts a fight with Lambert, he will only do, what the precursors want, and won’t get any closer to a solution. He turns back to the monitor. His heart is still racing and he can hear the blood pounding in his ears. “So you’re already finished. Come on Hermy, I know you can do better.” Newt tries to provoke him, but Hermann stays calm and absent. He speechlessly walks up to Newton and begins to strap the PONS around his head. Nate walks up to him, examining Newton in concern. “Are you sure you want to do this?” he asks, knitting his brow. Hermann has to bite his lip to not give a snappy comment. “Yes I’m certain. It will work.” The last part is dedicated to himself as well. It will work, he repeats in his mind. It’s Newton’s invention and Hermann trusts him more than anybody else. Nate simply nods. Hermann takes one last deep breath before attaching the other part of the pons to his own head. There is no turning back now. “I’ll see you back here.” Nate gives him a supportive glance and hands him the control unit. “I fairly hope so.” Hermann whispers under his breath. Then he pushes the button for the second time and reality shatters in front of his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can Hermann finally save Newt? You'll see in the next episode, or chapter. Whatever. Title of course from the amazing song by Panic! at the disco. I thought it really fitted Newt's personality and also Hermann's actions atm. Great song anyway.


	9. Don't let me drown

Newt can feel the precursors move closer. The walls he has built around his mind, to protect him from the screaming and the pain that comes with it, move closer every day. Soon the pressure will be too much, he knows that. But Hermann has promised to come back and that is what keeps him alive. He can’t tell how many days it has been since their meeting, but it sure feels like eternity to him. Being locked in the darkness there is not much to do but crying and screaming and hoping that one way or another his suffering will end soon. He stays curled up on the floor his eyes pressing shut. Inside he simply tries to resist the bait they are throwing at him to come out of his safe stop so they can tear him apart. He knows that they are lying, but it gets harder to tell every second. When he the control slipping from him again, he starts to shake in tears. He isn’t ready to die. Fuck, there are so many things he still wants to do. And there are things that stayed unspoken that need telling. Especially with Hermann… They voices get louder when he thinks about Hermann. How he fucked up everything they had, everything they could have had if he hadn’t been this confused and scared.

_You don’t deserve him… don’t…_

_Fuck they’re right_ , he thinks. _I’m just a messed up piece of shit. He would never want me._ Somewhere deep in his mind he still questions this. Are these really his thoughts or are this the precursors speaking? The screaming is just so loud and he is so tired. He just wants to give in for a second, have a little peace…

Suddenly there are arms wrapped around him. He instantly recognizes the scent that surrounds him. It smells like broken chalk, a dusty lab and, most notably, like safety. _Hermann._ Newt can feel his warmth and the steady breathing of the other calms him down. He relaxes the screaming fading back to a soft rustle.  “You are here” he whispers, still keeping his eyes shut but pressing against Hermann’s chest. “Yes of course. I promised, didn’t I?” Hermann breathes, while gently stroking Newt’s back. Newt exhales trembling. “I thought you had found something more important…” he confesses. Hermann chuckles softly. “There is nothing more important” he says. Newt can feel the butterflies wheeling in his tummy. His heart starts racing. He opens his eyes, beaming at Hermann with pure joy. Hermann smiles back at him. There are tears running down his face too, but they might as well be tears of joy. “You really think so?” Newt mumbles, still anemic but never happier. “Yes I do.” Hermann says. “Dude, I think this is the best fucking thing happening to me in years.” He tries to hug Hermann forcefully but it merely turns out as a slight touch. “Well, there really wasn’t much opposition, was there?” Hermann replies, also laughing. After freeing himself from Newton’s embrace he gets to his feet. “We should leave” he says. Newt stays on the ground, his heart sinking. “I can’t Hermann. They won’t let me.” He says, back to desperation. It feels so good to be back together with Hermann, but he knows that he won’t make it through the storm of the hivemind. Hermann smiles at him, his eyes glaring mischievously. He extends his hand for Newton to take. “This time they will. I promise.” He says. Newton is so afraid. He can’t forget what they have done to him, what they will do to him again. All those years he spent in pain and so very alone. But he trusts Hermann and he won’t leave him again. So after a second of hesitation he takes his hand and stumbles to his feet. They weight of his body is pressing down on him. He has become so weak and he doubts that his legs will carry him for a very long time. Shaking terribly he takes one step towards the rushing wall of blue. He can feel Hermann by his side and this is the only thing he needs to know. Their hands are clutched together tightly as they walk into the nothingness.

Blue. There is blue everywhere. Where is he? Who is he? Why is he even here?  He can’t tell where up and down is. Everything is just swirling around him. No ground to hold him no control. But something else.

**It’s fine I’m here.**

His hand is wrapped around Hermann’s and he won’t let go. Because Hermann is here and he will protect him. The hivemind is raging around them, crushing against them and screaming in frustration.

**They won’t get through.**

Hermann is shielding him, blocking them from crushing Newton to pieces. Somehow he seems stronger this time, virtually immune. Newt leans onto him and closes his eyes, simply following Hermann’s steps. He will get them out of here. He is not alone.

Slowly he can feel the pressure around him lessen and the screaming reducing into a distant yelling. He feels so light, like he is destined to float up into the brightness. Up into the sunlight without knowing what it will bring.

**I will see you on the other side.**

And with that Newton emerges into a reality, he thought he lost years ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah we get to see Newt again. Title from Drown by Bring me the horizon. Good song too. Maybe this will chage into a song recommendation story. XD I think I'll post the rest tomorrow. Hopefully...


	10. Only my mother calls me doctor

Hermann is standing over Newton. He has left the drift only a few second ago, but his first thought is for Newton and whether he made it out of the drift. Newton’s face is twitching, his whole body tense from the battle that is fought within. His lids are fluttering and sweat is dripping down his forehead. “Come on Newton, you can do it.” Hermann mumbles. Nate is standing behind him, watching newton with anticipation. Hermann can hear Newton whispering weakly. “No leave me alone… I won’t come back…” He can just watch him fight, this last bit he must go alone. Then suddenly the twitching stops and Newton exhales in relief. His eyes fly open. This time Hermann can’t see any panic in his eyes. They are back to normal, the spark of excitement Newton always carried showing again. “Hey Herms.” He chuckles weakly. “God this hurts so much, but damn it feels good.” He closes his eyes again. “Newton, stay with me. Don’t drift off again.” Hermann says, panicking slightly. “I won’t. I promise”  Newton whispers. “Let me just catch up with my body for a moment please” he says.  “I’m not really used to this right now” he laughs bittersweet. “Oh fuck, I shouldn’t do that.” Then he blinks his eyes open with confusion again. “By the way, who is this guy?” he asks. “This is Ranger Lambert. “ Hermann explains, while beginning to remove the PONS from their heads. “He is currently in charge of this dome and gave the authorisation to this experiment” Nate steps a bit closer to the chair. “I’m very glad to finally meet you in person Dr. Geizler.” he says. Newt laughs again but instantly regrets it a few moments later. “Call me Newt. Only my mother calls me doctor.” he says and in this exact moment Hermann grasps that this is the first time in years Newton is able to truly mean this.

It takes a while to fill Newt in on the situation, but he instantly understands the weight of the situation. “So the hivemind is controlling Amara too?” he asks. “But they had no direct contact with her, right?” Hermann nods. “The breach only got opened and they and somehow they were able to sneak into her mind” Newt presses his eyes together. It seems he still has to deal with a lot of information. Hermann can see how his mind is racing. “That means…” he groans. “Shit, it’s all so messed up in here. I saw something in the drift… it was- man I can’t catch hold of it.” “But do you have an idea how we can save her?” Nate asks. Newton smirks and Hermann is just so happy to finally see that look on his face again. “I believe I do.”

Hermann has to sustain Newton the whole way up to the control centre. At first Nate was indecisive if it was really safe to let Newton walk freely, but even he had to admit that in his condition Newton could barely hurt a fly. He is legs are shaking and Hermann can feel his ribs stick out under his skin. Without Hermann’s help he would not be able to stand upright. Even so that doesn’t stop Newton from being enthusiastic about everything and talking nonstop about everything he sees.  “Oh look Hermann they have introduced the new security system. It’s so cool you can just swipe your card across the sensor. You must feel like real top secret guys now.” Although Hermann is happy that Newton is so much more like himself he can’t shake the feeling that his talking seems hysteric. It’s just a bit too much and a bit too loud, as if Newton wasn’t able to deal with it all at the same time. Finally it’s too much for him to bear. “Newton would you please calm down?” he asks. Newton instantly shuts his mouth. His eyes are filled with tears and the turns away quickly so that Hermann won’t notice them. Hermann sighs. “I’m sorry.” He says. “Do whatever you feel best to do” Newton nods and casts him a small smile. They make the rest of the journey silent, Newton still propped on Hermann and breathing heavily. Hermann will have to talk to him later. He can feel how tense and anxious Newton is and it makes him uncomfortable. He wants him to be happy. But this is a conversation for another time. Right now they have to face different problems.

As they reach the control centre and the doors slide open they face the first obstacle. Hermann hasn’t given the reactions of the other PPDC members to Newton’s sudden recovery any thought, but while entering a room full of people, giving them telling looks, he knows he better had. “Are they all looking at me?” Newton asks Hermann, his voice shaking. Hermann knows that the others might not see the victim, he is, in Newton but rather the perpetrator, being responsible for thousands of deaths, so it is not surprising that many of them are casting furious glances at him. Hermann feels so sorry for newton. That after all that he went through he also has to deal with a hate, he doesn’t deserve. To their luck Ranger Lambert is still by their side to keep the situation under control. “All right everybody. Back to work!” he shouts and, although many of the workers still give them murderous looks, most of them return to their position. “Herms, I really don’t know if I can do this.” Newton says, his voice shrill in panic. Hermann takes his hand and squeezes it. “I know you can.” He says. “You are our only hope.” Newt nods and steps forward. Hermann can see him swallowing, before turning to the Ranger. “All right, I’m gonne need access to the Jaeger systems.” He says. “And an astable multivibrator and a frequency divider.” “You heard it. Get him those.” Nate shouts at a worker standing by. “What do you need the frequency divider for?” Hermann asks, while stepping closer to Newton, who is now bent over the display of the Jaeger communication. “It’s- y’know the things we know about the drift, they really are only the surface of what lifeforms are capable of concerning telepathic communication.” He explains, while checking the data on the screen. “It really is astounding. I learned a lot about it in the drift, I guess but it is all just piercing together really slowly. Jeez, it feels like my head is stuck in some kind of slow-mo.” He waves his hands around his head, like he always does, when he wants to emphasise a point. “Point is: The telepathic communication is not only possible through the Pons system, but also on a highly energetic frequency that transports the necessary information through the electromagnetic field.  This way the precursors are able to even stay in contact inter dimensional. And I think this is also how the infected Amaras mind.” Hermann gasps. “Of course!  This makes totally sense!” He slaps his hand across his face. Why didn’t he notice before? “And this was also how _you_ managed to get in contacted with me, before the breach reopened.” Newton smiles at him. “Use your enemy’s tricks, right?” he smirks.  Hermann can’t hold himself, but has to hug Newton tightly. “Hey, jeez, Hermann stop it, or I will break.” Newton laughs. Hermann laughs also. “I’m just so glad you are back.” He says. “Yeah man, me too.” Newton says, looking at the ground with the smiles suddenly washed from his face.

“So what is your plan then?” Hermann asks. “You want to block the signal?” Newt nods while screwing at the multivibrator. “But we won’t be able to block the signals with traditional means.” Hermann reflects. He begins to pace beside the table, where Newton is working. “It is for the energetic and would merely just pass any barrier.” “That’s why we won’t block it” Newton says. He presents the frequency divider to Hermann triumphantly. “This will allow us to recreate the same exact frequency the hivemind is using” he explains. “We won’t block the signal we will use the destructive interference of the electromagnetic waves by sending of the waves with a path difference. They will simply extinguish each other so that no signal will reach Amara.” Hermann smiles at him with proud. “Newton, you are the most brilliant man I ever had the pleasure meeting.” Newton smiles back. “I think I know that.” He says, before pushing the button that releases the electromagnetic pulse with the energy to destroy many city girds.

“Amara, can you hear me?” Nate asks. He is standing next to window, looking at the Jaeger in the distant with worry. There is no answer. “Amara? Are you there?” he asks again. Every single person in the room seems to hold it’s breath. Newton and Hermann are holding hands again. Hermann can feel Newton’s hand trembling. He squeezes it reassuring, but his heart is with Amara. She must be there. Newton’s plan was perfect. She can’t be gone. There is still silence, but nobody wants to move. Then suddenly there is a loud crack and Amara’s voice fills the room. “Yeah, I can hear you.” Hermann sighs in relieve and he can feel Newton relax. Then they both join into the cheering of the other workers. “Then return to the dome immediately. Understood?” Nate says before lowering the radio and giving the two of them a great smile. “You really did it.” He says and slaps on Newt’s back. Hermann feels so proud. Newt did this and he really is back. Hermann can’t believe it. “Yeah, I believe I did.” He smirks at Hermann. He seems happy, but also really distant and confused. Hermann watches him in concern. “Are you feeling okay?” he asks and turns Newt towards him to take a better look at him. “Don’t know.” He mumbles. “I guess I’ll just take a nap.” And with that collapses into Hermann’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I did it. I remembered to post the next chapters. Wuhu! I guess thanks to my Sis again, cause she told me she really liked the chapters. Glad I can finally show you this Newt-is-a-superhero chapter. Sorry for the grammar and stuff but I don't have any betas so... (if anyones interessed ;) ). Ehm so see u next chapter I guess.


	11. Turn back time

The first thing Newton notices, as he wakes up, is, that he still is in control of himself. Relief flushes through him. No screaming of the hivemind, no going back to the darkness is his head. Second thing is, that his head really feels like shit. It thobes in the steady rhythm of his heartbeat and pain shoots behind his eyes. Also he feels really exhausted. Like he had run a marathon, without practise and was still recovering. Maybe he did all that, he couldn’t tell. He just wanted to slip back into the nothingness and rest for a while longer. His lids so heavy and the pillow under his head so comfortable.

“Newton?”

A voice got to him. It was fuzzy and seemed distant, Newton could hardly make out what is was saying. “Is he conscious?” “Yes, but he is still highly sedated, so it will take a while till he breaks through.” Another voice. Female. Has he heard it before? He is not sure. The sleep wants to drag him down again, gripping with strong arms, but he can´t go back to sleep. There was something important… something he had to do. What was it? The words slip through his fingers. He can’t find them, doesn’t know how to use his voice or form the sound. Only a moaning leaves his lips, the feeling vibrating through his dull head. “It’s okay. I’m here.” Someone is holding his hand. The warmth, the touch. Hermann.

Newt’s eyes fly open. It’s painfully bright and white around him.  His head still pulses, but the pain seems muffled. He is in a hospital bed. Machines around him are monitoring his life sings. And on his right there is Hermann, sitting on a stool next to his bed and holding his hand, like it was the most normal thing to do. He looks exhausted, but gives Newton a huge smile. Newton’s heart skips a beat.

“Fuck, Herms, I think someone ran me over with a car. There is no other way to explain this fucking pain.” Newton chuckles weakly. His throat is dry and his voice raucous. “I think getting hit by a car can’t compare to 10 years of torture from an alien species.” Hermann replies. His eyes are still clouded in concern and he examines Newt closely. “You feeling any better?” Newt scratches his chin, where a small beard is growing already. “I guess, I still could sleep for like eternity, but I don’t feel lake fading away instantly, so that’s an improvement.”  His head is still fuzzy and he feels shaky, but at least the world around him seems to fall back into place.

“Ah Dr. Geizler, you are finally awake.” Newt turns at the sound of another voice. It is the one that was speaking to Hermann earlier, when he was still puzzling himself back together. The voice belongs to a small, Asian woman. She wears a white gown and her hair is tied back in a bun. Her eyes give a taxing look, but her smile seems genuine and kind.  Newt still gets a little nervous, as she moves towards him. He can feel Hermann pressing his hand reassuringly.  “I’m Dr. Nori.” Newton shakes her hand with sweaty palms. He is not really used to being around so many people again. The only one he had contact to was Hermann. Being alone for such a long time left him uncomfortable with the most basic interactions. “Hey, I’m- I’m Newton.” he stutters. “Dr. Nori has been watching over you for the past few days. She also ran a couple of tests on your condition.” Hermann explains to him. “Wait- …days?” Newton interrupts him. “Are you telling me I slept for days?” Dr. Nori nods. “Yes, you have been unconscious for over a week now.” Newton can’t quite believe what she is telling him. Even after over a week of sleep, he still feels like he needs to collapse back into the hospital bed and go back to unconsciousness. Also this means that he has lost another whole week of his life. Slowly he feels like time is running through his fingers like sand. He already lost 10 years of his life. He doesn’t need to add even another day to these years. He shakes his head in disbelieve.

“The tests I have run clearly show, that you have been exposed to neural reconstruction.” She goes on. She shows him a scan of his brain and points to the affected regions. “This might be an effect of the hivemind control. I can’t really, since we have no comparison to your case. But you’ll be glad to hear, that none of it is irreversible.  You will have to deal with the aftereffects for a few more months, but then you should be back to normal.” She gives him a smile, but Newton is completely caught up in the things she was saying. “So wait, you are saying, that the hivemind isn’t gone? It is still in my brain and it will take _months_ to get it out?” The panic creeps back to his body and his breathing rate increases. He can see Dr. Nori considering her next words carefully, then she answers: “It is hard to tell only from the scans. If you like you can give it a look yourself. I can only see the effects of the hivemind not it’s signature. But from what I see, I can’t deny the possibility, that the precursors still have foot in your thoughts. I’m sorry Dr. Geizler.”

After she has run further tests, Nori leaves Hermann and Newt alone again. It is the first time, since Newt is awake, that they have time to talk. No people are dying and no one else is listening. Newton takes a deep breath. “Hermann-“ he commences, but his voice cracks. Hermann looks at him, with his big, sad eyes and all the courage he had suddenly vanishes. He licks his lips in tension. “There is- there is something I need to talk about to you- I mean we…Oh gash, I’m messing this up again, aren’t I?” Hermann laughs and takes his hand. “Newton, you know that you really don`t have to say anything. I know what you want to say.” Newt’s heart jumps and his hands start to sweat. Did Hermann sound bugged? There still is a lump in his throat. “No Herms, I need to say it.” His voice is shaky but determined. “Remember last time when we were so close? This one night after we won the first war? I was- fuck, I was just so confused and scared. The last years I always thought, maybe it wouldn’t have come to this if I just fucking _talked_ to you. You tried to get through, you were the only one and I rejected you, because I was scared to do something wrong. I’m such a fucking moron. I always mess things up and someone else has to pick up the pieces.” Newt can see tears gathering in Hermann’s eyes. He is close to crying himself, the lump in his throat growing heavier with every word and finally turning everything into a pathetic sobbing. “The truth is: I’m really bad and this feeling stuff and when you found out about my feelings in the drift I never even considered the possibility that you might feel the same way for me. So I did the only thing I’m really good at: I ran. And that’s what started this whole mess. I need to say I now, so that it will never stand between us again: I love you, Hermann.” He is shaken in tears completely now. It feels so strange to finally say it out loud. It makes him so vulnerable and small. He is afraid of what Hermann is going to say, because his is the only opinion he really cares about and he is not quite sure if he would survive a rejection from him. But Hermann just comes to sit on the edge of the bed, next to Newt, and embraces him with his strong arms. Then he softly breathes into his ear: “I love you too, you moron.”

Newt has never felt this good in his whole life. Just to be in Hermann’s arms and to know, that he actually cares about him makes his body so light, he could fly two feet over the ground. He is sobbing, his head resting on Hermann’s shoulder. “You never told me.” He whispers. “I always thought you didn´t like me that way.” Hermann sighs and slowly let’s go of Newton. “You said, you were an idiot for not talking to me. I was too. After that night I never found the courage to approach you again. I just thought I was wrong and I just imagined the things I felt. So I let go. It seemed easier to live as friends forever rather than losing you. You can’t imagine how guilty I felt for everything when I learned that the precursors had taken control. I blamed myself for not being there for you, when you needed me the most. I abandoned you Newton. I’m sorry.” Now Newton is the one to hug Hermann. “Man, it wasn’t your fault. You know that, right? If there is someone to blame it’s me.” He strokes Hermann’s hair. “Jeez, we really have a messed up relation. Maybe we should stop blaming ourselfs for what happened ten fucking years ago.” Hermann chuckles in his grip and Newton can feel the tone vibrating in his body. It is the best feeling he experienced in a long time. He smiles. Maybe it’s going to better from now on. But he really doesn’t care anyway, because now Hermann is here and they will be together forever.

 In the evening Amara comes to visit him. Hermann is gone to get them something to eat. She’s a small kid, barley 14, if Newton had to guess. After entering she nervously bobs on her feet and repeatedly pushing her hair behind her ears. Newton gives her a soft smile. “Hey kiddo, what’s up?” “Hey - uhm- I’m Amara.” He puts out her hand for him to shake. He chuckles and takes it. “So we’re going the formal way? I guess I’m Newton then. But you can call me Newt.” He smiles to himself. He had missed saying that line. The precursors never would use it. They would always go with _Dr. Geizler_. Jeez, he really wasn’t that old. “So I think uhm I have to thank you for rescuing me then.” Amara says. He still looks to the ground and bites her lip. “Yeah, no need to thank me for that, kid.” Newt answers. Now he feels uncomfortable himself, nervously wriggling about in his bed. He doesn’t like to be treated like a hero, when he couldn’t even manage to fight against the precursors and get his own mind back. “I just- I just wanted to say: Don’t blame yourself for anything that happened. It could have happened to anyone and you still were a badass scientist and saved the world.” She looks up and gives him a small smile. Newt’s heart warms up. Hermann could tell him all over again, but Newt wouldn’t believe it, because he knows that Hermann would just say it to comfort him. But with this girl telling him he actually begins to believe it himself. He wipes away a tear. “Thank you” He mumbles. “But I think I heard something about you being quite badass as well.” He smirks. “You build your own Jaeger, right? This is so cool.” For the first time Amara seems to open up, her eyes sparking with enthusiasm. “You really think so?” Newt laughs. “Yeah, of course. You’ll have to tell me everything about it.” When she smiles back at him, Newton is reminded of himself back in the years. All his ideas and his surgency for the Kaijus. And as Amara gladly talks about her Jaeger Scrapper, he catches himself wishing he could go back to how it was back then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the Newmann fluff I was looking for when I wrote this chapter. Also this is the last chapter I have, that isn't totally crap so uhm I guess I'll have to work on that a bit. So next chapter isn't tomorrow. Sorry guys. :/

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it so far. I know this chapter is kinda short, but it gets better, i promise. Feel free to leave comments and tell me what you think.  
> Also thanks to my friend Merle, who looked over my crappy storytelling and got some really weird emails in the middle of the night. XD


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